That’s it. I can’t take it anymore! Every month I have to write these words here next to the hot girl photos. I just can’t do it anymore! Why? Do you realize how hard it is to talk with these girls month after month without ever getting any action? That’s right, sex!
When I started this gig, the asshole down the hall told me that doing girl copy would have unbelievable fringe benefits. He said that I could bang the models. He told me stories of all the wild times back in the day. That must have been way back, because here I am five years later and nothing! No backroom blowjobs. No wild orgies. Not even a dry hump at the company Christmas party.
It’s not like I’m some hideous-looking guy. Truth is, I got that former-leading-man thing going on. Plus I’m funny. These girls always talk about how they want a guy who can make them laugh. Bullshit! Before HUSTLER hired me, I toured as a successful stand-up comic, and I haven’t even gotten so much as a reach-around from one of these chicks. That’s it then. I quit! Let some other asshole write this stuff. I’m going to go jerk off to these photos.